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inkstainedfingertipsTall, ancient trees ring the clearing, rising up like skeletal fingers reaching into the vast and unrelenting darkness of the heavens above. Stars twinkle like chips of diamond in the velvety darkness above, cold and distant, but beautiful. Aside from the crackle and pop of the wood being consumed by the flames in the fire pit, the world around us is as silent as deep space.
“From what little you’ve said, I think it sounds like it could be really good for you,” Brian says. “It sounds like it could be the break you’ve been waiting for.”
I frown. “It could be.”
He stares at me, making me shift on my seat, uncomfortable beneath his scrutiny. I stare into the flames, watching them writhe and dance, bathing us in alternating flickers of shadow and light.
“Seriously, man, at this point, what do you have to lose?” he asks.
“More than you might think.”
“Like what?”
I shrug and take a long swallow from my beer bottle as I try to put some order to my thoughts. I mean, he’s not totally and completely wrong. Personally, I don’t have anything to lose. On the other hand, not losing doesn’t necessarily mean winning, either. But what would I really know about that? Winning has been a rarity in my life. I’m far more accustomed to the other side of that coin. Losing seems to be my lot in life.
A soft wind blows gently, feeling like a cool breath on the back of my neck that makes my hair stand on end and I shudder as goosebumps break out along my skin. I turn and stare between the trees, my stomach clenching so tight it’s almost painful when I see what looks like shadows moving among the shadows. The sharp crack of a branch snapping echoes as loud as a gunshot in the darkness, making me flinch.
“There’s something out there,” I say.
“Dude. Relax, it’s just an animal,” Brian says with a chuckle.
“Damn, man. You act like we’ve never been camping before. What’s up with you?”
Brian and I have made the trip out to these woods at least once a year ever since high school. It used to be more often than just an annual event, but Brian’s got a demanding job and life that takes up most of his free time, keeping him from hanging out with me as much as we used to. My life is far less demanding.
“Sorry,” I say.
“Seriously, what’s up with you?”
I shrug. “Just on edge tonight, I guess.”
“Is it this offer that’s got you all rattled?”
“I guess so, yeah.”
“Understandable. It’s not every day somebody offers you a chance to change your life,” he says.
“No. It’s not.”
"You still haven't told me what the job is," he says.
I shrug noncomittally and take a swallow of my beer as I stare up at the sky.
“You’re going to take the offer, right?”
“I’m not sure yet,” I say.
“Why are you even hesitating?” he asks. “I mean, I don’t want to sound like a dick or be insensitive or anything, but I think it’s time I give you some tough love. It’s something I haven’t done nearly enough. Maybe if I had, you wouldn’t be just treading water like you are.”
“I don’t need you to lecture me,” I say.
“Look, you’ve been out of work for a while now. You’re stuck in neutral, man, and you have been for a long time. You’re just going through the motions, and it kills me. You’re smart, you’ve got talent, you just… you have no drive. You seem content to settle for the bare minimum.”
“It’s not like I’ve had many opportunities.”
“No, it’s that you haven’t taken advantage of the opportunities you’ve had.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Rather than give voice to the withering response sitting on the tip of my tongue, I take another swallow of beer, washing the bitterness and bile out of my mouth. Brian is looking out for me. He’s always had my back and simply wants the best for me. I know this. But he’s had it a lot easier than I have in life. He’s had more opportunities and more strokes of good fortune than I’ve had. He doesn’t see that. Can’t understand what it’s like to have to stumble over all the roadblocks life has thrown in my way. He doesn’t get it, and he never will.
He leans forward, holding my gaze. “Dude, from what you’ve told me, this could change the entire game for you.”
I nod. “It could.”
“So, why are you hesitating? What is there to even think about?”
I take another swallow of beer and sigh. “Because the cost might be more than I can bear,” I finally say, my voice soft as a whisper.
Brian drains the last of his beer and sets his bottle down. He stares into the fire for a moment as if collecting his thoughts then gives himself a little nod and looks up.
“Bro, you know I love you, right?” he says. “And that I only want to see you succeed and life the very best life you can?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“Then I want you to take what I’m going to say in that spirit. Can you do that?”
“Sure,” I reply knowing already I’m not going to like what he has to say.
“Good. Because I need you to hear me on this,” he says.
“All right.”
“Your attitude is all wrong, brother. To get what you want in life, to be able to grab hold of your dreams, you have to be willing to sacrifice. You have to be willing to bear whatever the cost may be,” he presses. “There should be no price you’re unwilling to pay to get what you want, man. None. You know what I mean?”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It is that easy.”
I drain the last of my beer and toss the bottle to the ground. Brian can sometime get up on his high horse and be preachy as hell and it pisses me off to no end. He’s always been like this. He doesn’t realize his privilege or how high and mighty he sometimes sounds. Doesn’t realize things have come a lot easier to him than to other people—namely, me. And he doesn’t realize what a condescending prick he sounds like when he runs off at the mouth like this.
Another cool breeze blows through the clearing with a feeling like fingertips brushing my skin, and I shudder. I swallow hard and shake my head.
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me,” I say.
“I do know. Because I’ve had to make the same choices, brother. I’ve been where you are.”
“Trust me. You haven’t.”
“I have. I made a thousand excuses for not going after what I wanted,” he said. “And my therapist helped me realize the reason I was making those excuses and not being willing to put myself out there was because I was afraid of failing. Sound familiar?”
“Not really,” I say.
He gives me a wry smile. “It does. We’ve been friends for so long I know you better than you know yourself. And I know you’re so afraid of failing, you’re paralyzed, man. You’re stuck in mud and you’re not willing to fight your way out.”
“More insight from your therapist?”
“Yes. And if you’d just open your mind—”
“I don’t need therapy.”
“The simple fact that you’re not willing to jump on this opportunity that would change your entire life would suggest otherwise.”
“Sounds like you’ve got my life all figured out.”
“Only because I’ve been right where you are,” he says. “I’m just telling you what’s gotten me to where I am, man. My fear of failure kept me from advancing. From reaching my dreams. But I’m telling you, the only real failure, the only true failure, is doing nothing, man.”
I pull another beer out of the cooler, twist the cap off, and take another drink, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. Intellectually, I know he’s right. I get it. But there are some lines we shouldn’t be willing to cross. Some sacrifices we shouldn’t be willing to make. And there are some prices we shouldn’t be willing to pay simply because the true cost really is too high.
But the thought of having everything I ever wanted tickles the back of my mind. I’d be lying if I said the thought of not having to struggle just to get by, of having to decide between paying the rent or paying the electricity bill, of having to eat ramen for another week because I can’t afford anything else, wasn’t attractive. But that life comes at a cost. It will require me to step outside my comfort zone and make sacrifices I never thought I’d have to make.
The wind soughs through the branches of the soaring pines all around us, making a low, moaning sound that chills me to the core. My heart races and I blot my palms on my jeans. The sound of leaves shuffling and twigs cracking echoes all around us. Brian doesn’t seem to notice. But I do. I know what’s out there.
“I’m telling you, if you don’t put your fear aside and take this chance, you are going to regret it for the rest of your life,” Brian says. “You literally have nothing to lose.”
“And like I told you, I’ve got more to lose than you think.”
“If you keep thinking like that, you’re never going anywhere,” he says. “You’re going to be stuck in the same shitty apartment, scratching to get by month after month. But eventually, you’re going to fall off that edge and then what? What will you do then?”
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t you want more? Don’t you want better for yourself?”
“Of course I do. I'm just not sure this is the way to get it.”
“The only way you’re going to get it is to grab hold of it. To be willing to sacrifice for it. To pay whatever price you think needs to be paid.”
The anger is rising in me like a dark tide, and I shake my head.
“Just leave it. I didn’t come out here to be lectured, man.”
“No, it sounds to me like you came out here to whine and complain about your situation instead of fixing it. Just like always,” he fires back.
“Just leave it alone.”
“I won’t, man. I can’t.”
“I’m telling you, just leave it alone—”
“You have a way to fix your problems.”
“Which will only create more problems.”
Brian glares at me. “So, you’re happy to live your life this way? You’re satisfied being… this?”
“And what is this?” I growl.
“A fucking loser, man,” he said. “There. I said it. Your life is pathetic and you’re a loser. Having the ability to change your life and doing nothing about it because you’re scared makes you an even bigger loser.”
I jump to my feet, my face red, my heart hammering in my chest as adrenaline and rage surge through me. My vision blurs as tears well in my eyes and my breath quickens.
“You know what? You’re right, Brian. I am a loser,” I say. “But that’s going to change. I’m going make the sacrifice I need to change my life. And I’m going to do it right now.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear it.”
“I accept your terms,” I call into the darkness. “I’ll make the deal.”
"What the hell?" he asks.
A black mist, as dark as the heavens above, flows out of the trees. Brian gets to his feet, his eyes wide, his features etched with alarm. It slithers along the ground like a living being, circling around his ankles and slowly starts to move up his legs. He’s trying to move but can’t. It’s like he’s stuck in wet cement and he pales as an expression of panic crosses his face.
“What the hell?” Brian gasps as he turns to me. “What’s happening?”
“I’m making the sacrifice necessary to change my life,” I say. “I’m finally doing something, Brian. Just like you always tell me I should.”
Brian is lost in darkness as the mist envelops him from head to toe. His shrieks of agony ring out, echoing through the trees around us. I want to turn away but can’t. I thankfully can’t see through the mist that’s wrapped itself around him, but Brian screams as if his flesh is being pulled off his body. Tears stream down my face.
Brian’s screams taper off and the mist dissolves. For just a moment, Brian’s skeleton is left standing, as if it’s alive. But then it collapses into a pile of clean, white bones. I fall to my knees and bury my face in my hands as I sob. His presence is like a heavy weight pressing down on me and when I pull my hands away and turn my face up to him, the man is smiling at me.
The man is wearing the same black three-piece suit he was in when he approached me in the bar and offered me the deal. For the bargain bin price of the soul of somebody who means something to me, I will never know want again. I will have wealth, women, and whatever I could possibly want whenever I want it.
“So,” the man says cheerily. “Are you ready to begin your life anew?”
I get to my feet and wipe the tears from my face. The waves of nausea that have been battering me finally begin to ebb and a cold calm settles over me. I’ve finally done something and changed my life. I will never want for anything again.
“Yes,” I reply. “I am.”
“From what little you’ve said, I think it sounds like it could be really good for you,” Brian says. “It sounds like it could be the break you’ve been waiting for.”
I frown. “It could be.”
He stares at me, making me shift on my seat, uncomfortable beneath his scrutiny. I stare into the flames, watching them writhe and dance, bathing us in alternating flickers of shadow and light.
“Seriously, man, at this point, what do you have to lose?” he asks.
“More than you might think.”
“Like what?”
I shrug and take a long swallow from my beer bottle as I try to put some order to my thoughts. I mean, he’s not totally and completely wrong. Personally, I don’t have anything to lose. On the other hand, not losing doesn’t necessarily mean winning, either. But what would I really know about that? Winning has been a rarity in my life. I’m far more accustomed to the other side of that coin. Losing seems to be my lot in life.
A soft wind blows gently, feeling like a cool breath on the back of my neck that makes my hair stand on end and I shudder as goosebumps break out along my skin. I turn and stare between the trees, my stomach clenching so tight it’s almost painful when I see what looks like shadows moving among the shadows. The sharp crack of a branch snapping echoes as loud as a gunshot in the darkness, making me flinch.
“There’s something out there,” I say.
“Dude. Relax, it’s just an animal,” Brian says with a chuckle.
“Damn, man. You act like we’ve never been camping before. What’s up with you?”
Brian and I have made the trip out to these woods at least once a year ever since high school. It used to be more often than just an annual event, but Brian’s got a demanding job and life that takes up most of his free time, keeping him from hanging out with me as much as we used to. My life is far less demanding.
“Sorry,” I say.
“Seriously, what’s up with you?”
I shrug. “Just on edge tonight, I guess.”
“Is it this offer that’s got you all rattled?”
“I guess so, yeah.”
“Understandable. It’s not every day somebody offers you a chance to change your life,” he says.
“No. It’s not.”
"You still haven't told me what the job is," he says.
I shrug noncomittally and take a swallow of my beer as I stare up at the sky.
“You’re going to take the offer, right?”
“I’m not sure yet,” I say.
“Why are you even hesitating?” he asks. “I mean, I don’t want to sound like a dick or be insensitive or anything, but I think it’s time I give you some tough love. It’s something I haven’t done nearly enough. Maybe if I had, you wouldn’t be just treading water like you are.”
“I don’t need you to lecture me,” I say.
“Look, you’ve been out of work for a while now. You’re stuck in neutral, man, and you have been for a long time. You’re just going through the motions, and it kills me. You’re smart, you’ve got talent, you just… you have no drive. You seem content to settle for the bare minimum.”
“It’s not like I’ve had many opportunities.”
“No, it’s that you haven’t taken advantage of the opportunities you’ve had.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Rather than give voice to the withering response sitting on the tip of my tongue, I take another swallow of beer, washing the bitterness and bile out of my mouth. Brian is looking out for me. He’s always had my back and simply wants the best for me. I know this. But he’s had it a lot easier than I have in life. He’s had more opportunities and more strokes of good fortune than I’ve had. He doesn’t see that. Can’t understand what it’s like to have to stumble over all the roadblocks life has thrown in my way. He doesn’t get it, and he never will.
He leans forward, holding my gaze. “Dude, from what you’ve told me, this could change the entire game for you.”
I nod. “It could.”
“So, why are you hesitating? What is there to even think about?”
I take another swallow of beer and sigh. “Because the cost might be more than I can bear,” I finally say, my voice soft as a whisper.
Brian drains the last of his beer and sets his bottle down. He stares into the fire for a moment as if collecting his thoughts then gives himself a little nod and looks up.
“Bro, you know I love you, right?” he says. “And that I only want to see you succeed and life the very best life you can?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“Then I want you to take what I’m going to say in that spirit. Can you do that?”
“Sure,” I reply knowing already I’m not going to like what he has to say.
“Good. Because I need you to hear me on this,” he says.
“All right.”
“Your attitude is all wrong, brother. To get what you want in life, to be able to grab hold of your dreams, you have to be willing to sacrifice. You have to be willing to bear whatever the cost may be,” he presses. “There should be no price you’re unwilling to pay to get what you want, man. None. You know what I mean?”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It is that easy.”
I drain the last of my beer and toss the bottle to the ground. Brian can sometime get up on his high horse and be preachy as hell and it pisses me off to no end. He’s always been like this. He doesn’t realize his privilege or how high and mighty he sometimes sounds. Doesn’t realize things have come a lot easier to him than to other people—namely, me. And he doesn’t realize what a condescending prick he sounds like when he runs off at the mouth like this.
Another cool breeze blows through the clearing with a feeling like fingertips brushing my skin, and I shudder. I swallow hard and shake my head.
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me,” I say.
“I do know. Because I’ve had to make the same choices, brother. I’ve been where you are.”
“Trust me. You haven’t.”
“I have. I made a thousand excuses for not going after what I wanted,” he said. “And my therapist helped me realize the reason I was making those excuses and not being willing to put myself out there was because I was afraid of failing. Sound familiar?”
“Not really,” I say.
He gives me a wry smile. “It does. We’ve been friends for so long I know you better than you know yourself. And I know you’re so afraid of failing, you’re paralyzed, man. You’re stuck in mud and you’re not willing to fight your way out.”
“More insight from your therapist?”
“Yes. And if you’d just open your mind—”
“I don’t need therapy.”
“The simple fact that you’re not willing to jump on this opportunity that would change your entire life would suggest otherwise.”
“Sounds like you’ve got my life all figured out.”
“Only because I’ve been right where you are,” he says. “I’m just telling you what’s gotten me to where I am, man. My fear of failure kept me from advancing. From reaching my dreams. But I’m telling you, the only real failure, the only true failure, is doing nothing, man.”
I pull another beer out of the cooler, twist the cap off, and take another drink, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. Intellectually, I know he’s right. I get it. But there are some lines we shouldn’t be willing to cross. Some sacrifices we shouldn’t be willing to make. And there are some prices we shouldn’t be willing to pay simply because the true cost really is too high.
But the thought of having everything I ever wanted tickles the back of my mind. I’d be lying if I said the thought of not having to struggle just to get by, of having to decide between paying the rent or paying the electricity bill, of having to eat ramen for another week because I can’t afford anything else, wasn’t attractive. But that life comes at a cost. It will require me to step outside my comfort zone and make sacrifices I never thought I’d have to make.
The wind soughs through the branches of the soaring pines all around us, making a low, moaning sound that chills me to the core. My heart races and I blot my palms on my jeans. The sound of leaves shuffling and twigs cracking echoes all around us. Brian doesn’t seem to notice. But I do. I know what’s out there.
“I’m telling you, if you don’t put your fear aside and take this chance, you are going to regret it for the rest of your life,” Brian says. “You literally have nothing to lose.”
“And like I told you, I’ve got more to lose than you think.”
“If you keep thinking like that, you’re never going anywhere,” he says. “You’re going to be stuck in the same shitty apartment, scratching to get by month after month. But eventually, you’re going to fall off that edge and then what? What will you do then?”
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t you want more? Don’t you want better for yourself?”
“Of course I do. I'm just not sure this is the way to get it.”
“The only way you’re going to get it is to grab hold of it. To be willing to sacrifice for it. To pay whatever price you think needs to be paid.”
The anger is rising in me like a dark tide, and I shake my head.
“Just leave it. I didn’t come out here to be lectured, man.”
“No, it sounds to me like you came out here to whine and complain about your situation instead of fixing it. Just like always,” he fires back.
“Just leave it alone.”
“I won’t, man. I can’t.”
“I’m telling you, just leave it alone—”
“You have a way to fix your problems.”
“Which will only create more problems.”
Brian glares at me. “So, you’re happy to live your life this way? You’re satisfied being… this?”
“And what is this?” I growl.
“A fucking loser, man,” he said. “There. I said it. Your life is pathetic and you’re a loser. Having the ability to change your life and doing nothing about it because you’re scared makes you an even bigger loser.”
I jump to my feet, my face red, my heart hammering in my chest as adrenaline and rage surge through me. My vision blurs as tears well in my eyes and my breath quickens.
“You know what? You’re right, Brian. I am a loser,” I say. “But that’s going to change. I’m going make the sacrifice I need to change my life. And I’m going to do it right now.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear it.”
“I accept your terms,” I call into the darkness. “I’ll make the deal.”
"What the hell?" he asks.
A black mist, as dark as the heavens above, flows out of the trees. Brian gets to his feet, his eyes wide, his features etched with alarm. It slithers along the ground like a living being, circling around his ankles and slowly starts to move up his legs. He’s trying to move but can’t. It’s like he’s stuck in wet cement and he pales as an expression of panic crosses his face.
“What the hell?” Brian gasps as he turns to me. “What’s happening?”
“I’m making the sacrifice necessary to change my life,” I say. “I’m finally doing something, Brian. Just like you always tell me I should.”
Brian is lost in darkness as the mist envelops him from head to toe. His shrieks of agony ring out, echoing through the trees around us. I want to turn away but can’t. I thankfully can’t see through the mist that’s wrapped itself around him, but Brian screams as if his flesh is being pulled off his body. Tears stream down my face.
Brian’s screams taper off and the mist dissolves. For just a moment, Brian’s skeleton is left standing, as if it’s alive. But then it collapses into a pile of clean, white bones. I fall to my knees and bury my face in my hands as I sob. His presence is like a heavy weight pressing down on me and when I pull my hands away and turn my face up to him, the man is smiling at me.
The man is wearing the same black three-piece suit he was in when he approached me in the bar and offered me the deal. For the bargain bin price of the soul of somebody who means something to me, I will never know want again. I will have wealth, women, and whatever I could possibly want whenever I want it.
“So,” the man says cheerily. “Are you ready to begin your life anew?”
I get to my feet and wipe the tears from my face. The waves of nausea that have been battering me finally begin to ebb and a cold calm settles over me. I’ve finally done something and changed my life. I will never want for anything again.
“Yes,” I reply. “I am.”
no subject
on 2024-12-16 12:57 pm (UTC)- Erulisse (one L)
no subject
on 2024-12-16 07:37 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2024-12-16 08:29 pm (UTC)This was amazing <3 I was super suspicious of Brian right until the reveal! Like I knew something was up but for some reason I kept thinking Brian's therapist was like some cult type guy coming to meet them in the woods. The ending took me by surprise in the absolute best way.
Just perfect as always <3
no subject
on 2024-12-27 10:06 pm (UTC)I am super glad the ending caught you by surprise. Thank you so much, as always!
no subject
on 2024-12-17 12:56 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2024-12-27 10:06 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2024-12-19 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2024-12-27 10:07 pm (UTC)Thank you so very much for reading and sharing your thoughts!
no subject
on 2025-01-04 10:12 pm (UTC)Not so high-and-mighty are you now Brian? Oh, I'm evil... :D