Week 17: Open Letter
Dec. 16th, 2025 08:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
inkstainedfingertipsFriends. Mourners. Fellow competitors. Good morning.
We are gathered here today in the Disneyland Haunted Mansion because it’s what our dearly departed would have wanted. And we gather under the heaviest of circumstances—to rememberxeena, who was taken from us far too soon.
She was not taken by the will of the gods, some cruel twist of fate, or by some horribly bizarre accident involving sports mascots, baby oil, squeaky horns, and various items found in the produce aisle, as she would have preferred.
No, she was eliminated.
Eliminated by cold, clinical, calculated murder. It was two in the back of the head, served up Sopranos-style. It was done with a polite smile, a kind word, and statements like, “it’s just part of the game,” which is how many make themselves feel better about this cold-blooded execution.
Please—hold your applause. This is a funeral. Have some tact, for fuck's sake.
Make no mistake, this was murder. A game-sanctioned execution. And when her cold, lifeless body hit the floor, it felt inevitable. Evenxeena herself foretold her demise like she was Nostradamus. Unlike many who claim otherwise, she definitely did see it coming.
In the wake of the devastating news, there was no screaming. No chaos. No public rending of garments or gnashing of teeth. It was polite. Civilized. It was news met with practiced smiles of sympathy and many statements like, “Oh, that’s too bad,” "who would have done that?" or, "I’m shocked."
Spoiler Alert: Nobody was actually shocked.
Although nobody claims their fingerprints are on the murder weapon, if you listened closely, you could hear the communal sigh of relief that issued from the darkened, shadowy corners. Perhaps a few high-fives and fist bumps were even exchanged in secret. This is the way of things when others conspire to murder.
In Shakespeare’s time, this would have ended with poison. Honestly, it might have ended with poison here as well, if not for the whole, taking two in the back of the head thing. As she rose and consistently dominated the field, it seemed inevitable. Even toxeena. If only Caesar had that sort of foresight.
So, anyway, while it might have ended with poison, it actually ended with genteel phrases like, “Thank you so much for sharing.”
Well, bless your hearts.
After her passing, the competition continued, of course. Others stepped forward. New entries were posted. Applause happened. Spreadsheets were consulted with renewed authority. Others were eliminated and some replaced her at the top.
But let us be clear, we stand at the graveside of good judgment.
xeena was not defeated.
She was not outperformed.
She was inconveniently excellent.
And for that, she was taken from us. Capped. Rubbed out. Whacked. Is currently sleeping with da fishes.
On a personal note, I am forever grateful to this most amazing person we are eulogizing here today. Like the true force of nature she is, she blew into my life like a tornado and has changed my world in more ways than I can count. She has added a big, bright light to my life. For that, and for her, I am ever so thankful.
See you in Valhalla.
Thank you. Please join us in the reception hall where Pepsi cola and Tiramisu will be served alongside quiet resentment, and likely, platters of new plots and conspiracies.
*laughs in Lana Del Rey*
We are gathered here today in the Disneyland Haunted Mansion because it’s what our dearly departed would have wanted. And we gather under the heaviest of circumstances—to remember
xeena, who was taken from us far too soon.She was not taken by the will of the gods, some cruel twist of fate, or by some horribly bizarre accident involving sports mascots, baby oil, squeaky horns, and various items found in the produce aisle, as she would have preferred.
No, she was eliminated.
Eliminated by cold, clinical, calculated murder. It was two in the back of the head, served up Sopranos-style. It was done with a polite smile, a kind word, and statements like, “it’s just part of the game,” which is how many make themselves feel better about this cold-blooded execution.
Please—hold your applause. This is a funeral. Have some tact, for fuck's sake.
Make no mistake, this was murder. A game-sanctioned execution. And when her cold, lifeless body hit the floor, it felt inevitable. Even
xeena herself foretold her demise like she was Nostradamus. Unlike many who claim otherwise, she definitely did see it coming.In the wake of the devastating news, there was no screaming. No chaos. No public rending of garments or gnashing of teeth. It was polite. Civilized. It was news met with practiced smiles of sympathy and many statements like, “Oh, that’s too bad,” "who would have done that?" or, "I’m shocked."
Spoiler Alert: Nobody was actually shocked.
Although nobody claims their fingerprints are on the murder weapon, if you listened closely, you could hear the communal sigh of relief that issued from the darkened, shadowy corners. Perhaps a few high-fives and fist bumps were even exchanged in secret. This is the way of things when others conspire to murder.
In Shakespeare’s time, this would have ended with poison. Honestly, it might have ended with poison here as well, if not for the whole, taking two in the back of the head thing. As she rose and consistently dominated the field, it seemed inevitable. Even to
xeena. If only Caesar had that sort of foresight.So, anyway, while it might have ended with poison, it actually ended with genteel phrases like, “Thank you so much for sharing.”
Well, bless your hearts.
After her passing, the competition continued, of course. Others stepped forward. New entries were posted. Applause happened. Spreadsheets were consulted with renewed authority. Others were eliminated and some replaced her at the top.
But let us be clear, we stand at the graveside of good judgment.
xeena was not defeated.She was not outperformed.
She was inconveniently excellent.
And for that, she was taken from us. Capped. Rubbed out. Whacked. Is currently sleeping with da fishes.
On a personal note, I am forever grateful to this most amazing person we are eulogizing here today. Like the true force of nature she is, she blew into my life like a tornado and has changed my world in more ways than I can count. She has added a big, bright light to my life. For that, and for her, I am ever so thankful.
See you in Valhalla.
Thank you. Please join us in the reception hall where Pepsi cola and Tiramisu will be served alongside quiet resentment, and likely, platters of new plots and conspiracies.
*laughs in Lana Del Rey*
1/2
on 2025-12-20 02:16 am (UTC)so, this is amazing. you are amazing and i love you <3 you made me laugh so much i cried reading this and then you just made me cry from getting emotional <3
i love how you put all our inside jokes in this, from the haunted mansion to sleeping with the fishes and laughing in lana del rey bahaha.
She was not taken by the will of the gods, some cruel twist of fate, or by some horribly bizarre accident involving sports mascots, baby oil, squeaky horns, and various items found in the produce aisle, as she would have preferred. this had me cackling so much i scared the cat. seriously, the noise i made reading it was inhuman.
It was two in the back of the head, served up Sopranos-style.bahahaha this line perfectttt.
this line being spoken by the character based on my ancestor too dsjfdskjkfds
Unlike many who claim otherwise, she definitely did see it coming. I did see it coming. I saw a lot of things coming.
"I’m shocked."
Spoiler Alert: Nobody was actually shocked. fdsfdkfdj this was the second instance where i scared the cat in one sitting.
In Shakespeare’s time, this would have ended with poison. Honestly, it might have ended with poison here as well, if not for the whole, taking two in the back of the head thing. it wasn't for lack of trying fdskfdsfd if this was real poison by now i'd be immune.
xeena was not defeated.
She was not outperformed.
She was inconveniently excellent
you are the absolute sweetest.
and it means everything to me that you believe in me <3
Is currently sleeping with da fishes. i am once again snorting like a warthog
See you in Valhalla.
2/2
on 2025-12-20 04:20 am (UTC)I was crying with laughter before, but this is where I started crying because you made me so emotional. In the best way!
This is all so mutual. I am so thankful you too. You have brought so much love and light and joy into my life and changed my life so much for the better. I am so thankful we both joined LJI last year and I had even considering how we may not have met if one of us decided against joining.as far as I'm concerned we won LJI both this year and last. 2025 has been the best year of my life <3 you are just the most phenomenal person (and writer), and i love you <3
Thank you. Please join us in the reception hall where Pepsi cola and Tiramisu will be served alongside quiet resentment bahahaha the pepsi cola and tiramisu platters and the "alongside quiet resentment" fdskfsdks all of this had me dying with laughter at the end again after you made me emotional in the above.
thank you so much for writing this amazing letter to me <3 it made me laugh so much and feel all the feelings. thank you for always supporting and believing in me and my writing, it means everything!
Re: 2/2
on 2025-12-22 07:35 pm (UTC)Re: 2/2
on 2025-12-23 09:16 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2025-12-22 07:37 pm (UTC)I love Tiramisu, fyi. Is that xeena's fav?
I also find it cool that we both see xeena as light/sunshine :)
This entry made my heart happy :)
no subject
on 2025-12-23 08:57 pm (UTC)She loves Tiramisu. Just ask her. hahahah
She is very much light and sunshine.
no subject
on 2025-12-23 07:14 pm (UTC)Ahahahaha!
She was inconveniently excellent.
This is both perfectly phrased and perfectly true.
I WAS actually surprised by it, but I shouldn't have been. Others have darker hearts than mine. I know this, and yet it never really sinks in. :(
no subject
on 2025-12-23 08:56 pm (UTC)Yes. Yes they do. ha ha. Unfortunately for them, mine is the darkest of them all.